I loved it.

It’s a multinational cast (which was awesome) and I didn’t perfectly understand every single thing every actor said. I certainly didn’t understand everything the actors said while running and diving from a slew of guided missle debris. But you damn well can believe I understood a flaming chainsaw the size of an industrial crane carving through a fully occupied office building. I speak that language fluently. And I understood one giant robot horsewhipping the shit out of another with a pile of traffic. I understand those things like a newborn understands its mama's milk. And I understood them in IMAX, with my 10-year old son equally enjoying every single frame.

There are some issues. Mako Mori, the original film’s brightest light, gets the short shrift here. Scott Eastwood is passable at best. But you know what? A giant robot bludgeons a Kaiju with a plasma-charged morningstar. So I can live with the flaws, because when I was a kid I didn’t wake up early mornings to watch ULTRAMAN for the tender human drama.

I unabashedly give it four gigantic spinning electrically charged stars, each ripping through a different building in a different city until they finally converge into one giant star in space, opening a wormhole to another universe which sucks up every stick-up-their-ass critic who wrote some weaksauce review.