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Mitch Denoyer
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 21 September 2006
Posts: 140
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 6:29am | IP Logged | 1
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I also hate “Have a blessed day.”
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Matt Reed
Byrne Robotics Security
Robotmod
Joined: 16 April 2004
Posts: 35817
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 6:38am | IP Logged | 2
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Fred J Chamberlain wrote:
I have never thought that there were
more appropriate responses, than "I sorry for your loss" or
thinking of you and all who loved ___" |
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I have quite taken to the latter “thinking of you and…” response. I think it’s respectful of those who are still living and the pain they are obviously experiencing without mixing it all up in religion and superstitious gobbledygook. Been doing that for a number of years.
The absolute WORST response is from people who wish the blessings of the “holy savior” on a loved one of mine who has died and ensuring that one day I’ll see them in the afterlife. How easy for them to say that and, ultimately, insensitive. Pain affects the here and now, not the dead. That it will somehow be assuaged once we both meet in some mythical nether-realm, that hope alone to see them again will keep bad feelings at bay, is part of the con game. That kind of fake sentimentality, however well intentioned, is abhorrent to me. It’s as easy to provide as ice in a glass and just as chilly.
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Jason Scott
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 06 August 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1167
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 6:54am | IP Logged | 3
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Well this is a morbid thread. But add me to the list of folks who abhor the 'Rest in Power' one even more.
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Matt Reed
Byrne Robotics Security
Robotmod
Joined: 16 April 2004
Posts: 35817
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 6:57am | IP Logged | 4
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It doesn’t have to be morbid. Death comes to us all. It just does. It’s how you respond to it that matters, which I think is the crux of this thread. It’s as much a part of life as peanut butter and jelly, movies, and breathing.
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Craig Earl
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 13 July 2019
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1304
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 3:05pm | IP Logged | 5
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I think the 'rest in peace' comment is almost a Pavlovian reaction to hearing of someone's passing. It can be an appropriate response (I'm thinking of those who has lived struggled through long-term agonising pain or mental trauma - John Merrick and Anne Heche quickly spring to mind).
Some of us believe that there's a life beyond what we know; I personally think it's over when it's over. I guess, as long as 'rest in peace' is delivered out of well-meaning respect, it's okay in my book.
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Steve Gumm
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 10 May 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 1463
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 3:46pm | IP Logged | 6
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For me, I’m always find RIP very jarring. It’s almost as if by saying RIP, you are saying the person’s life isn’t even worth spelling out a whole phrase. Maybe something like Fond Remembrance of John Doe (1955-2024) might be somewhat acceptable, it’s just darn tough land on the right phrase.
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John Byrne
Grumpy Old Guy
Joined: 11 May 2005
Posts: 132835
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 4:28pm | IP Logged | 7
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I saw a documentary, years ago, that touched on a tribe (South American?) who, when someone dies, do not speak their names for four years. They don’t want to distract the departed on their journey to the afterlife.
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John Byrne
Grumpy Old Guy
Joined: 11 May 2005
Posts: 132835
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 4:31pm | IP Logged | 8
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Well this is a morbid thread.••• By definition! Any discussion of death, whatever its “tone”, is “morbid”.
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Charles Valderrama
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 16 April 2004
Location: United States
Posts: 4781
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 6:30pm | IP Logged | 9
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I always stick with "condolences to family & friends" response since they are the ones left hurting and feeling a sense of loss.
-C!
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John Byrne
Grumpy Old Guy
Joined: 11 May 2005
Posts: 132835
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| Posted: 17 February 2024 at 7:29pm | IP Logged | 10
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When my father died I was prevented from attending his funeral by three of the largest recorded winter storms choosing to smite the eastern half of North America simultaneously. This was not of great consequence. He and I had already agreed there was no reason for me to attend since my mother was already gone, I didn’t know any of his friends and, hey, he wasn’t going to be there, anyway.
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ron bailey
Byrne Robotics Member
Joined: 16 October 2016
Location: United States
Posts: 1001
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| Posted: 18 February 2024 at 4:24am | IP Logged | 11
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I take it you're an only child and come from a very small extended family.
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Matt Reed
Byrne Robotics Security
Robotmod
Joined: 16 April 2004
Posts: 35817
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| Posted: 18 February 2024 at 6:49am | IP Logged | 12
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Certain diseases affect the way we deal with death for sure. A shocking death, say from a heart attack or embolism, is met with a huge outpouring of grief. The very nature of a death far too young or so sudden is a shock to the system. But a slow death, not even cancer, yet one that locks an individual away in essentially institutional accommodations for years or a decade like Alzheimer’s is treated as a relief. Which, quite frankly, it is.
I experienced both. First up was my father, who died unexpectedly at 68 in 2010 from a massive heart attack, and then my mother in 2018 after having been in assisted living since 2012 because she had Alzheimer’s (which my brother and I suspect she started suffering from as early as 2008). People remembered my dad. Less was said about my mother. Long divorced, both were homebodies not ones to enjoy the company of anyone other than family. But something about the suddenness of a heart attack was more shocking than the decades long struggle with losing your mind.
In any event, my dad was a shit and my mother a saint. Sadly, I believe both have exited this existence with nary a chance to see loved ones again or become whole in the afterlife. So RIP is a pile of dung.
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